Following the Bondi attacks, it is very normal to experience a whole range of emotions - shock, sadness, anger and fear. People are also probably going to be feeling more vigilant, tense, wary and suspicious, especially in crowded places. These sorts of events remind us of our vulnerabilities.
It's helpful for people to realise where it can start to verge on needing to seek support. The initial response can subside over time - usually in a matters of a couple of weeks, depending on how intense the media coverage is. But it's about recognising that if these feelings persist and interfere with daily activities like struggling to leave home, avoiding public places, and causing panic, it's important to seek professional support. If it leads to self harm or thoughts of harming others, which it definitely can do, it's important to seek crisis support.
It's good to encourage balance of consumption. With social media we can be inundated with negative conversation - perhaps about the perpetrator, even victim blaming can come up. Zone in on some of the beautiful topics - how the community is coming together to provide a floral tribute, the bravery and quick thinking of individual responders.
With children, start by finding out what they know, and adjust [what you tell them] to their age. The reality is children will hear about it - are so inquisitive, curious and aware. It's about shielding them, but providing a space where they can talk about it and ask questions. Understand their perspective. They might have misunderstandings - they may think it was a gunman. It's important to know what they have interpreted.
Use age appropriate language. You don't necessarily need to say 'stabbing', you might say somebody harmed a number of people. Remain quite factual but avoid blame, judgement, and making assumptions. Reassure their safety. Children might be fearful after hearing about the violent event. Let them express their worries and listen to their concerns. Monitor their exposure to media - especially younger children. Be wary of the kind of language you use and don't stay on the topic for too long. Be sensitive when checking if someone is ready to talk about it.
Aimee Oliveri is a Kogarah-based Clinical Psychologist from the Australian Institute for Human Wellness.
Recovering and helping your loved ones cope with the aftermath of a traumatic event is a process that takes time, compassion, communication and courage. Re-establishing safety for managing mental health and trauma is the starting point. Popi Iatrou of Sylvania, Senior Psychologist of Wellness Arts, offers more tips:
For adults:
- People who speak up about their feelings fare better. Reach out to friends, family, or mental health professionals. Talking about your experiences with a trusted person can help you to process your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. This can help rebuild trust and alleviate feelings of isolation and distress.
- Practice extra self-care. Establish a new routine of self-care activities such as exercise, sleep, good nutrition, meditation, social connection, and engaging in practices that increase relaxation.
- Keep up your routine. Staying in the flow of your daily routine can provide a sense of normality and certainty after a crisis.
- Express your emotions in healthy ways, like journaling, creative expression, emotional release such as crying, and talking to trusted people.
For families:
- Make time for open, honest conversations in a supportive environment. Sharing each other's perspectives without advice giving.
- Re-establish personal safety. After a destabilising experience, it is important to reassure family members about their safety.
- Structure and stability. Maintain a regular family routine. Regular mealtimes, bedtime routines, and other family rituals can create a feeling of certainty.
- Be active together. Engage in activities together that involve movement and promote bonding and relaxation. This could include playing games, walking, or engaging in creative activities.
- Keep an eye on behaviour. Children and adolescents may communicate through behaviour rather than words. Look out for signs of distress or changes in mood, appetite, socialisation and sleep. Encourage creative communication through play, drawings or writing.
For children and youth:
- Provide verbal and physical reassurance. Assure children and youth they are safe and loved by telling them and showing them protection. Offer comfort, support, and a safe space for feelings to bubble up as they process their memories about the event.
- Encourage emotional storytelling. Parents often avoid re-triggering memories of trauma, but young ones need your help to process and make sense of the events. Help children to express their feelings through art, writing, drama, dance or play. Allow them to ask questions and work through the story of the event as many times as they need to make sense of it.
Support is available for those who may be distressed. Phone Lifeline 13 11 14; Mensline 1300 789 978; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800; beyondblue 1300 224 636; 1800-RESPECT 1800 737 732.
